I started Rebel Art Creations after wanting to tap back into my creative side after leaving it dormant for a while. I wanted to create again, I had done different workshops with different mediums and materials but I was trying to find something new, then resin spoke to me.
It was medium I love working with, the fluidity and the way it flowed, was what I was after. I love the beauty and the complexity of it.
So, after my first year I started to feel a little unwell, very tired, out of breath and I thought it was because I was burning the candle at both ends ( which tend to be my life) I had described it as though my power cord has been pulled out.
Being quite in-tuned with body, I knew something was up, so off to the doctor I went, thinking it might be asthma due to shortness of breathing - but nope. That afternoon I was off the the cardiologist and after a series of tests, she said to me - YOU HAVE HEART FAILURE!
WHAT, can you repeat that? - then the shock hit me like a tone of bricks and the tears started to flow......... I couldn't believe it! Those 4 words in a sentence was shocking to hear, in my early 40's I couldn't believe those were the words I was hearing.
This diagnosis was hard to accept at first and as any normal human does - I went to Google. It scared the shit out of me ( we all do it - don't we?).
Reading the statistics and stories I thought I only had 5 years to live!
I had moments of break downs, sobbing in my car, asking myself a load of questions - am I proud of my life? Am I content with what I achieved? what else do I want to do with my life?
My mind was going around in cycles - it seems like a blur, I kept a lot of this worry to myself and internalized my thoughts whilst trying to make sense through the months that followed.
But now, I am doing fine and I now take daily medication to keep my heart pumping and allowing the blood to flow through my body. There are side effects and the main one is feeling tired, but I have learnt to just get on with it. I never want pity nor do I have woes me attitude, cause in life nothing is guaranteed and the best trait I have - is to be resilient. I try and make sure I make the most of each day that I have left here.
But I am aware enough to be cautious. That is why you will always find my partner John at the Markets with me as there is no way I could physically do the markets on my own - I would fall into a heap.....
So, my art has kept me focused during this time and I found I could escape to my studio and create, this gave me comfort and in a way, and it helped me heal. Without my art during this time, I would have found myself spinning in my own worry and thoughts.
Life is a strange journey and I could talk for hours and hours about LIFE but I found through this process it has allowed me to shed a lot of things that I would have accepted previously, I have become more resilient, I don't let people miss treat me, I stand up for what I believe and I don't care if doesn't fit into your world.
I need to be proud of who I AM.